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EVIL PLOTS: THEY'RE NOT JUST FOR HOGWARTS ANYMORE.

Sep. 30th, 2007 | 10:32 pm
mood: CRICKET ANGRY

HEY, AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO THINKS IT'S ODD THAT THE DEATH EATERS HAVE A CRICKET MATCH SCHEDULED? ISN'T THAT A TYPICALLY MUGGLE GAME? OR DO THEY BOWL WITH MUGGLES OR SOMETHING?

HANG ON, I HELLO? LOOK, I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME AGAIN. NO. STOP CALLING ME. STOP CALLING ME, MALFOY!!! THERE IS NO 'HOW TO GET HARRY POTTER TO SUCK ON MY PENIS' TALK! OKAY? YEAH, ACTUALLY, I AM PRETTY SURE THAT VOLDEMORT'S BEEN TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT FOR A WHILE. NO, HE HASN'T. WELL, NO, ACTUALLY, I HAVE A LOT OF EVIDENCE THAT INDICATES THAT HE HAS NO PENIS. HOW DO I KNOW, MALFOY? WELL, BECAUSE HE HAS A PUSSY. HE CLEARLY CAN'T HAVE BOTH UNLESS HE'S HERMAPHRODITIC. ANYWAY I DON'T SEE WHAT THIS HAS TO DO WITH ANYTHING. NO, HANG UP NOW. HANG UP NOW. BECAUSE I CAN'T BLOODY HANG UP BECAUSE THE PHONE HAS PASTED ITSELF TO MY FACE! IF YOU MENTION YOUR COCK ONE MORE TIME I WILL CUT IT OFF! NO! NO! I WILL NOT TOUCH IT! I WILL HAVE NEVILLE FIND HIS SWORD AND CUT IT OFF, ALL RIGHT? STOP IT. STOP IT. PRANK CALLER! PRANK CALLER!


ANYWAY, I'M JUST SAYING, IT'S WEIRD, ISN'T IT?

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BUT I BET HIS ARE 'AVADA KEDAVRA' GREEN

Jul. 7th, 2007 | 11:11 pm
mood: ANGRY AT THAT FLOWERY SCENT

I THOUGHT IT WOULD FEEL NICE TO HAVE GIVEN UP ON DEFEATING VOLDEMORT (YES, I SAID HIS NAME), BUT IT TURNS OUT THAT I CAN'T LIVE WHILE HE SURVIVES AFTER ALL.

ON THE PLUS SIDE, I'VE GOT NEW BUSINESS CARDS.  THEY'RE A WONDERFUL COLOUR - 'FELIX FELICIS.'  GINNY, I MUST SHOW YOU.  I WONDER IF I CAN DEFEAT VOLDEMORT (CALM THE FUCK DOWN; YES, I SAID HIS NAME; GET OVER IT, ALL RIGHT?) BY HAVING BETTER BUSINESS CARDS THAN HE DOES.  ACTUALLY, I WONDER IF VOLDEMORT HAS BUSINESS CARDS.  WELL, HE HAD A DIARY WITH HIS NAME ON IT.  I IMAGINE HE'D HAVE BUSINESS CARDS.

ALSO, GINNY, I'M SIRIUS, GET THAT FLOWERY SCENT OUT OF THIS HOUSE.  I'M BEGINNING TO BELIEVE IT'S A SERIOUS MEDICAL PROBLEM BECAUSE IT MAKES MY CHEST KEEP ACTING UP.

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GINNY:

May. 28th, 2007 | 01:53 am
mood: ANGRY I STILL DON'T HAVE THEM

GINNY, DID YOU EVER GET THOSE PHOTOS DEVELOPED OF ME AND MY CHAINSAW?


EDITED: THANKS, GINNY! I LOVE THEM. HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED PHOTOGRAPHY AS A CAREER?

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGH

Jan. 9th, 2007 | 01:00 am
mood: FRETFUL AND ANGRY

SHIT!

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THIS HAS BEEN POTTERVISION

Oct. 17th, 2006 | 12:10 am
mood: TIME TO KILL

OKAY, I HAVE JUST ONE THING TO ASK YOU BEFORE I GO BACK TO PONDERING THE MEANING OF MY EXISTENCE AND WORKING ENTIRELY TOO HARD FOR SOMEONE MY AGE TO FIND THE ANSWERS AND SAVE THE WORLD AT LARGE:

WHY WOULD ANYONE WANNA BREAK HIS FUGLY SOUL INTO LITTLE TINY PIECES AND HIDE THEM IN STUPID SHIT ANYWAY?

I MEAN, IT MAKES SENSE, IF YOU'RE A PANSY-ASS PUSSY SKANK WHORE OF A DARK LORD, BUT LET'S TRY TO IMAGINE THAT AT SOME POINT YOU WERE ACTUALLY A NORMAL PERSON...WHY WOULD ANYBODY WANNA DO THAT?

GOD!

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(no subject)

Sep. 10th, 2006 | 03:44 pm
mood: ANGRY

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRG

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(no subject)

Sep. 10th, 2006 | 03:43 pm
mood: ANGRY

WHAT

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(no subject)

Sep. 10th, 2006 | 03:43 pm
mood: ANGRY

I

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO...OH WAIT, WHO?

Aug. 1st, 2006 | 03:17 pm
mood: POST-BIRTHDAY ANGRY

OKAY, I'M NOT HAPPY.

I WAITED ALL OF MY BIRTHDAY FOR SOME BIRTHDAY WISHES, OR SOME BIRTHDAY PRESENTS, OR SOMETHING, AND THE ONLY PERSON WHO SAYS HAPPY BIRTHDAY IS lookscomefirst?

WHAT HAPPENED?

SHE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE ME!

I ACTUALLY SUSPECT SHE WAS TRYING TO KILL ME, AND IT VERY NEARLY WORKED. A MAN WITH A WEAKER HEART WOULD'VE DIED.

HERE'S THE LIST OF PEOPLE ON LIVEJOURNAL WHO HAVEN'T GIVEN ME GIFTS OR BIRTHDAY WISHES:

abbotts_habits, acridturpintine, albuspresley, alpha_aconite, alwayspms, boogiedownvince, cedeadric, cleverlyanthony, cornered_beef, deanosovirtuoso, deranged_gofer, dracoisyourking, drunkirishdude, flishandswick, girlpowerkthx, grrgoyle, hardlyinit, harvestnarcissi, hufflepuff4life, iloatheyouall, insectintegrity, knot_a_nott, livestoserve, mcquidditch, mynoseisfine, no_opinion, nothisbitch, ohohohwoe, paparazzi_colin, pious_zacharias, plugsplugsplugs, prefectlyernie, purebloodyay, putasockinit, reallyquiteevil, shouldteachdada, slytherinthingy, spidersmustdie, stolen_marbles, tart_in_tartan, terryclothrags, ur_so_vane, vacuousbeefcake, veryverysmart

IF YOU ARE ON THAT LIST...FOR SHAME!

IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS, GUYS, GEESH. WHEN PARVATI PATIL'S THE ONLY PERSON WHO GIVES ME BIRTHDAY WISHES...COME TO THINK OF IT, MAYBE YOU GUYS HAVEN'T BECAUSE THIS MEANS THAT THE END HAS FINALLY COME.

THAT WOULD EXPLAIN IT.

OH, AND BY THE WAY, NEVILLE, DID YOU GET THE BIRTHDAY FLOWERS I SENT YOU? I DIDN'T TRUST THAT OWL. WHEN IT BROUGHT ME THE FLOWERS THAT I SENT TO MYSELF FOR MY BIRTHDAY IT HAD EATEN SEVERAL OF THEM. WHAT'S WITH THAT? I THOUGHT OWLS WERE SUPPOSED TO BE CARNIVOROUS.

NOTICE HOW THE LIST HAS BEEN EDITED. ALSO NOTICE HOW MOST OF YOU ARE STILL ON IT.

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SENIOR STUPIDLATIVES

Jun. 15th, 2006 | 02:47 am
mood: ANGRY THAT EVERYONE'S SO DUMB

OKAY, I COMPLETELY OBJECT TO SENIOR SUPERLATIVES.

FIRST OF ALL, WHY DOES NOBODY VOTE FOR ME AS 'MOST LIKELY TO DEFEAT VOLDEMORT'? THIS IS JUST STUPID, YOU GUYS. DON'T YOU PEOPLE EVER PICK UP ANYTHING? I MEAN, IN ALL THE YEARS THAT YOU'VE ATTENDED SCHOOL WITH ME, DID IT NEVER OCCUR TO YOU THAT THERE MIGHT ACTUALLY BE A REASON THAT VOLDEMORT (AND GET OVER IT, YEAH, I'M SAYING HIS NAME, BUT I'M HARRY POTTER AND I CAN DO THAT) KEEPS PICKING ON ME, ASIDE FROM MY GOOD LOOKS?

I MEAN I COULD UNDERSTAND THAT PERSON WHO SAID THAT VOLDEMORT WOULD DEFEAT HIMSELF BY SOME SORT OF WANDING ACCIDENT BECAUSE I CAN COMPLETELY SEE THAT HAPPENING, BUT REALLY, YOU GUYS, DO YOU SERIOUSLY THINK THAT MICHAEL CORNER IS GOING TO DEFEAT VOLDEMORT? HE ACTUALLY SYSTEMATICALLY ALMOST DESTROYED LIFE AS WE KNOW IT, ON MORE THAN ONE OCCASION. IF ANYTHING HE'S MOST LIKELY TO DO WHAT VOLDEMORT'S BEEN TRYING TO DO FOR AGES ON ACCIDENT JUST BECAUSE HE THOUGHT HE WAS BEING ALL CLEVER BUT REALLY HE WAS BEING A DICK. MICHAEL CORNER COULDN'T CLEVER HIS WAY OUT OF A DOUCHEBAG, ALL RIGHT?

AND BY THE WAY, I WASN'T LYING ABOUT THAT ANTIQUE EXPERT THING. I TOOK A CLASS, AND WHOEVER HAS THAT CUP THAT WAS SUPPOSEDLY HUFFLEPUFF'S, I WANT TO SEE IT. JUST TO MAKE SURE IT'S AUTHENTIC. OKAY?

PEOPLE HERE. IT'S A WONDER VOLDEMORT EVER FOUND HOGWARTS THREATENING.

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